The Happy Ending

Jonah Cash was born on October 1, two weeks early, following a preeclamptic roller coaster. He was tiny (by my standards) at 5lbs, 15oz, but is now 8 weeks old, close to 10 pounds, and doing great! (Ok, not sleeping for awesome chunks of time.. but no complaints!)

Right after turning 37 weeks, my bp just got wacky. It wasn't steady and low like it had been during the pregnancy, and like it always is when I'm not pregnant. It was starting to hover around the 130/80 mark while at rest. On Thursday, 9/27, I went to work but felt funky. I even called my sister and told her I felt like my uric acid levels were going up. (Not something one can actually feel, just a sign of impending preeclampsia, and a strong intuition I was having.) I had one session with a client, but just felt kind of "off." I had a mild headache and felt a touch foggy and confused, just not like myself. I also felt anxious, with a sense of unknown doom. I took my blood pressure after the session and it was high. 142/95. I called my doctor and made a plan to meet at the hospital. Brian came and picked me up - I didn't feel like I could/should drive. I cried. It wasn't supposed to be like this.. again.

In the car, with the Chicago afternoon rush hour picking up, I felt more anxious and more and more off. My bp stayed high as I sat in the car. We live a few blocks from the hospital so we decided to swing by and grab my pre-packed bag, which our sitter put out on the porch for me. It was impossible not to go inside and see the boys, knowing I might be admitted and in the hospital for a while. We spent less than 5 minutes at home, but by the time I got back in the car, and after not resting, my bp shot up to 151/105. It has never been that high in my life, not even when I was in full-blown HELLP syndrome. Long story short, I was in/out of the hospital for 24 hour observation and labs. An amniocentesis showed that Jonah's lungs weren't quite developed enough to risk the c-section given that my labs were all still coming back (just barely) normal. Dr. B. sent me home on strict bedrest, knowing I'd call if anything got worse. I laid in bed feeling anxious and having that "general malaise" feeling. By Sunday afternoon, I just didn't feel right. My resting bp was creeping up further into the hypertensive range. We went back to the hospital. My uric acid had gone up a lot since the previous Friday. They scheduled me for a c-section first thing in the morning.

All-in-all, I feel that the situation was handled really well. The combined efforts of my medical knowledge and intuition, with support/guidance from information on the Preeclampsia Foundation's website - www.preeclampsia.org - and my trusting OB with her balanced but proactive approach kept me from getting sicker while also making sure the baby could stay in my belly as long as possible. I wish all women with preeclampsia had this kind of knowledge, support and outcome.

Here I Am .. Again..

I am 37 weeks pregnant. Full term - this little guy and I made it! :)

This is my second post-HELLP pregnancy. Brian and I didn't plan to risk another pregnancy after Elliott was born 16 months ago, but we were glowing in the aftermath of a pregnancy and birth experience that was so amazingly opposite the trauma of the first that we just weren't careful like we'd been in the years following Gavin's birth. I certainly NEVER thought I'd get to be one of those women who flippantly, innocently got accidentally and joyfully pregnant. It's been really weird to integrate the sense of joy and serendipity with the level of irresponsibility that I feel for putting myself and this baby at risk.

I can't believe I haven't posted this whole pregnancy. I find myself needing the outlet of this blog for the first time in almost a year and a half. I have been so calm and anxiety-free for most of the pregnancy, just enjoying my lucky chance at getting to do this all over again. I've been super duper healthy, following a rigid diabetic diet, working out, and only gaining about 15 pounds. The baby is healthy and strong. I haven't had anything to worry about. I could almost pretend that I'm not someone who has to worry.

But now I find myself right back in a very familiar place. My blood pressure is creeping up. It's getting higher later in the day, and at night, and not responding a whole lot to resting. I am starting to feel just a little off. Nothing crazy, just not great. I got my official orders from my wonderful OB last week. If it gets to 130/80 and stays there for an hour, I am to call her and meet her at the hospital to get the baby out. It's been hovering right around that range most nights for the last couple of weeks. This has turned into a really challenging waiting game. I'm also contending with surgery anxiety, as this birth will be a c-section no matter what. I'm scheduled to have one two weeks from tomorrow morning at 39 weeks.

Just rambling. 124/61. Ah, look at that.  A little blogging and my bp drops.

Thanks for being out there.