Really Bracing Myself at 29 Weeks

I feel like my health has really taken a turn for the worse in the past two weeks. And, yes, the past two weeks have been especially stressful, emotional and disappointing, so I'm sure that's part of it.

It was about two weeks ago at 27 weeks when the stirrings of epigastric pain started. (Epigastric pain is a telltale sign of preeclampsia.) Right now, it's just a very noticeable pressure under my rib cage on the right side. It comes and goes, but I never have more than a few hours without it, even when relaxing on my left side. When I look back at my pregnancy journal from my HELLP pregnancy, it was right around week 27 when I started to notice "pressure under my right rib cage" that everyone, including me, thought was my big, tall baby stretching out. When I felt this pressure for the first time a couple weeks ago, it was so clear to me that it was the exact same feeling, and that it is not my baby. In my last pregnancy, this pressure slowly evolved into pain, culminating in severe pain and "contractions" at week 39. After listening to me complain about the pressure for a week,  Brian convinced me to call my OB office last Monday, even though my 28 week appointment was a few days away. They were fantastic and immediately got me in with the midwife, who ordered all of the right blood tests and a 24 hour urine collection. She was also very reassuring, as well as so sweet to let Gavin use the doppler to hear the baby's heartbeat all by himself!

Brian and I struggled with a lot of sadness and stress between making the phone call and getting to the appointment, imagining them sending me straight to the hospital, leaving us with either a very early preemie or no mom at home for a long time. Thank goodness I just got to go home. I was back there again on Thursday when I had an ultrasound that showed that all is well with the baby and my uterus right now, so that was a huge relief. On the down side, I found out that I am borderline diabetic and have started a really tough gestational diabetes diet that leaves me trying to eat exactly 30g of carbs 6 times a day, while also getting a lot of protein, aiming for 2000+ calories, and avoiding my food allergies. It's quite a puzzle that is stressing me out, as well as leaving me hungry and ill-satisfied. Thanks to my good friend, Addie, I'll have a blood monitor in a couple of days and will be monitoring my blood sugar 4 times a day. I also got the results late yesterday from my 24 hour urine. We already know that my HELLP pregnancy damaged my kidney in such a way that my protein will always be a little borderline high. When the nurse called yesterday she said that the results had been "inconclusive" and that a doctor would call me on Monday. She was sweet and apologized for such vague information, then told me that usually an "inconclusive" result is not a concern. But it's certainly not fun to wait all weekend to find out. I also mailed another blood sample to Ananth, who will be testing it hopefully next week and telling me what my prognosis may be for the next 6-8 weeks. In other disappointing news, my blood pressure was up for 48 hours and got a little scary yesterday when the highest reading at the end of the work day was 128/88. While not technically "hypertensive" it's 20-25 points higher than it's been for this entire 29 weeks of pregnancy. The numbers from yesterday are looking a lot more like my HELLP pregnancy. :( The good news? It is back down again today. Now I struggle with when to quit working.

It's times like these that the reality of having a "high risk pregnancy" really hits. Most days, I feel pretty good, and keep myself centered, positive and as calm as I can in our chaotic, urban, parenting, working lives. Just like last time, I appear to everyone else to be "super healthy." My belly is about the only place you can see my pregnancy. I am working out, even still running 9-10 minute miles and lifting weights pretty intensely every Saturday. Yes, you would think I am healthy.

Knowing that I feel myself slipping into a negative thought pattern about this pregnancy, I have scheduled a session with Tanya for tomorrow afternoon. I will hopefully post something a lot more positive after that. I can already imagine her reminding me that my body has always told me when there's a problem in the past, and that my connection to my body and its signals is strong. She'll also remind me that it's not useful or helpful to tell myself about the potential negative outcomes if nothing is actually happening. It is more helpful to tell myself that there is still a good chance that I'm going to be able to carry this baby to full term, go into labor on my own, and deliver this child naturally. Imagine it with me, will ya?

Holding My Breath...

I've had a bit of a scare lately. I've noticed pressure in my upper right quadrant from time-to-time, but at least once a day for the past week. When I expressed concern to my husband today, he urged me to call my nurse to see if I should wait until my 28 week appointment in a few days, or come in sooner for bloodwork. Of course they wanted me to come in right away. The good news is that my blood pressure has been very low still, mostly in the 100's/60's. There are really no other causes for concern, so I am hopeful that this abdominal pressure is psychosomatic or something. Anyway, they went ahead and drew my blood in order to check my platelets, liver function, etc. They'll have results by the end of the day tomorrow (Tues.) On Wed. morning I'll start another 24 hour urine collection to compare to my baseline from 12 weeks.

The fun part of the day was that Gavin got to use the doppler all by himself to listen to the baby's heart beat! (Which was in the 160s for any of you with gender predictions...) He also got to measure my belly, which was right on target. He felt very good about his participation, and I think he has added "Midwife" to his list of potential careers.

In the mean time, I'm fighting against falling into the dark side, where I imagine everything from delivering a preemie next week to ongoing bedrest for the next 2.5 months. I'm resting on the couch now, at least for a short while, and will work on my positive visualizations tonight. I am also trying to get an appointment with Tanya this Sunday as it's been a while, and sessions with her always leave me feeling healthy and peaceful.

Send all the love and positive energy you can spare!!!

Nice Assays

I got my results back from my 20 week blood sample that was tested by a researcher at Harvard who has developed a diagnostic test for pre-e that is in clinical trials. He is the kindest man, and apologized emphatically for getting back to me 7 weeks after testing my blood. The great news is that my assays were NORMAL!!!! The downer is that the test can only predict 6-8 weeks out, so pretty much my normal results indicate what we already know - that I haven't developed preeclampsia in the past 7 weeks. More good news is that he's willing to test my blood again, so I'll have it drawn at my 28 week appointment next week. He promised to call me the day he gets the results.

Otherwise, I'm doing well. Getting bigger every day. I'm maintaining really low blood pressure still in the 100s/60s most of the time. I have added a B Vitamin liquid concoction and a magnesium supplement to my daily regimen, and am trying to eat even more protein, which has led to eating more meat. :( I am still running 2+ miles at a 8:30-9:00 pace several times a week, and lifting weights and doing other strength training exercises. I have gained about 11 pounds, which freaks me out a little since it's not very much. I had already gained 20 pounds by week 27 in my HELLP pregnancy, and then gained about 2 pounds a week for the rest of the pregnancy. It's really nice to not have that weight gain pattern happening.

I did have some pressure in my upper right abdomen recently. It happened a couple nights ago, and again tonight. It was brief and barely noticeable both times, but of course I am overly tuned in. It felt the same way it did last time - like pressure against my ribs, not pain. I can recognize now that it's not the baby, which is what I thought last time. I looked in my pregnancy journal from my HELLP pregnancy and it was exactly at this gestational point last time that I started to make note of feeling pressure. (And my blood pressure at that time was regularly in the 130s/80s.) By week 29 I also had back pain on the upper right side, which I had forgotten. I am not sure if this abdominal pressure is a phantom/memory sensation, or something real. I told Brian about it when it happened tonight and we took my blood pressure, which was 102/68. The pressure is not there now. I'm going to work on my thought patterns this week, focusing on reminding myself that my body will communicate with me if there is a problem, and that I can trust my body and I am listening to it this time. I will also ask to have my blood tested for liver enzymes, platelet function and hemolysis a week from tomorrow at my appointment. Tonight I'm going upstairs to do some meditation and then get to bed a touch earlier than usual.

I'm very excited to meet the midwife at my OB practice at my appointment next week, and to see the baby on an ultrasound again! After feeling sooo strongly for so much of this pregnancy that this baby is a boy, Brian and I both started feeling a strong girl sense this week. It's so fun to not know!