The High End of Normal

I got my results back from my 24 hour urine analysis. Dr. V.'s nurse told me over the phone that the results were "good," then followed that up with "but when they did the hour-by-hour breakdown, your level was .17, and .15 is the high end of normal." She went on to explain that .02 higher than the normal range isn't anything to be concerned about. She said it's so insignificant that they don't even consider it abnormal.

I'd like to be happy about the results, and the part where she said they were "good." Here's the thing. I am having an issue with "the high end of normal" part of this. Everything I experienced in my HELLP pregnancy was like that. My blood pressure was never technically hypertensive until my 40 week appointment when it was 140/92 (and hypertenive = 140/90). Well, I guess that's just one example, but the overarching issue is that I always "seemed good" and I really wasn't. So this test result does scare me. 

The positive thing that I'm holding onto is that I stopped in the middle of a 3 mile run to answer the nurse's phone call, and then I kept running when I got off the phone. I just don't want to fool myself into thinking I'm healthy like I did last time. But I am also sensitive to the power of thoughts. I just got the book The Genie in Your Genes at the recommendation of my monitrice.

I will see Dr. V. a week from Wednesday so I will learn more about the results and what they mean at that time. 

In the mean time, I will try to take the advice from my wise self and try to be my usual playful self, without being so serious and focusing so much on all of this medical stuff. I'll let Dr. V. do her job. 

I'm also working on trying to connect more with the baby. I know I avoid doing that sometimes because it's easier to escape from the anxiety and fear than to work through it and get to a place of perfect calm. The thing is, when I really let myself connect with the baby, I do go to a place of perfect calm. 

Oh, and one more thing. At my last appointment with Tanya, during the hypnotherapy portion, as I was connected deeply with the baby, I had a vision of a heavy load of dark muck lifting from my belly and rising into the sky, leaving behind a beaming white light that shone out from my belly. Through this light, I could see the baby and I felt this very strong sense of trust.