Elliott is here!

Nearly 39 weeks of holding my breath and Elliott is finally here, sweet, safe, and happy!

I did not develop HELLP Syndrome, and also never developed preeclampsia!  Thaat things were smooth and uncomplicated, despite my best effort.

So here is the birth story, if you care to hear it... it's something I really only want to tell once so I can move on from the sad parts and continue basking in the joy of this sweet little baby!

Elliot Patrick was born around 2am on Saturday morning, May 7, and he's so sweet and peaceful and wonderful! We are in love. He's a little string bean at 7lbs 1oz, 21 inches. Gavin is LOVING his new brother, "I love he!"

The 2 days between my "baby's coming" email and the hours leading up to his birth were a mixed bag. My water broke on Thursday night. I was already 7cm (!!!) dilated as of earlier that morning, so the midwives thought things would go very quickly once they started. My midwife, Amy, had lost her voice, so we IM'd while I stayed home and waited for things to get going. We agreed to meet at the hospital at 1am on Thurs. night/ Fri. morning because I had to have IV antibiotics for my group B strep sooner than later once my water broke.

Once at the hospital, we were so excited to get things moving along. Even though my contractions were mild, they were coming regularly (and had been for weeks) so they admitted me to the alternative birthing center where the birth tub of my dreams sat waiting. We settled in, loading up the fridge, setting up pictures, and putting on music. I was strapped to the fetal monitor and got my hep-lock, not fun or natural-feeling, but two of the requirements for VBAC patients. Amy brought in the breast pump which I used for hours in addition to walking, squatting, moving on the birth ball, and any other physical motion we could think of to urge my uterus along. After a long night with no true labor started, I took castor oil the next morning, shooting down more than 2 ounces, only to end up with nauseating diarrhea for hours, with no effect on my uterus. I was getting very frustrated, but remained hopeful and continued using physical measures, as well as visualizing and meditating throughout the day to stay relaxed, focused and open to the birthing process.

In the morning, our monitrice, Tanya, came and offered her support as well as homeopathy, quantum touch and energy work to help my body progress. Nothing was working. My contractions were getting weaker, if anything. Sometime in the late afternoon, Amy explained that my cervix hadn't dilated any more, and that my bag of waters, though broken, was still full and bulging. She explained that the risk of breaking the bag (in my situation) was that the baby had floated higher up and there was a chance of umbilical cord prolapse, a very dangerous situation that would lead to a c-section under general anesthesia. We all agreed not to chance it. The only option left was to move to a regular medical room for pitocin. We were really, really upset about leaving the ABC, and about needing pitocin, since it had been so horrible in my first labor with Gavin. Amy was also unsure about what she was feeling when she checked me. It seemed that the baby had changed his once perfect position to more of a face first presentation. She also felt an unexplained ridge along the inside of my uterus that she couldn't make sense of. She ordered an ultrasound to look at what was going on.

They started the pitocin and, again, nothing happened. Because I was a VBAC patient, they only increased it in small increments and couldn't give me the full dose. I thought, at first, that was why things weren't moving along. The ultrasound showed some curious abnormalities and we waited patiently for the radiologist to call with results. Instead of reassuring us, he made a vague reference to a growth on the baby's head, and the possibility that it was some sort of a brain problem. We were so scared and tried to focus on the present moment and the joy that we felt that we were close to meeting our baby.

A while later, the tech came back with another ultrasound machine and took images from another angle. Brian and I waited alone for 40 minutes while our team consulted with the radiology team. It was a very, very long 40 minutes and we cried a lot. We eventually got the good news that they did not think there was a problem with his brain, but that he had some kind of hematoma on his head and there was something odd about my uterus. At this point, with the pitocin not having an effect on my body, we decided to call in the OB, and we decided together that a c-section was the best option. I stayed very focused on doing what was best for the baby and for my body, trying so hard to stay strong and positive despite my intense disappointment and fear. They got me ready very quickly, but our team was amazing at supporting us emotionally as we fought off triggering the trauma from our last birth experience. The greatest part was that I was awake! I was able to experience a live birth for the very first time in my life! Brian sat next to my head and we looked into each other's eyes with joy as we waited for the sweet coos of our baby when he was lifted from my womb. The team was incredible and kept the operating room peaceful. Amy later told us that it was the most peaceful c-section she's ever attended. It really was the best possible situation for a worst case scenario.

Elliott made the softest sweetest noises when he was born, bringing tears to Brian's and my eyes before we even saw him. The two neonatalogists immediately examined him, finding him to be quite healthy with no head or brain damage, then they handed him to Brian who carried him over to me and we all nuzzled our faces together as the OB sewed me back together.  They let him stay in the OR extra long, which was so wonderful. We were only separated for about a half hour as they further examined him in the nursery. They brought him to me in the post-op recovery room and he was with us from then on, tiny and sweet.

It turns out I had a super rare thing called a Bandl ring, which is when the uterus develops a thick band that makes a vaginal delivery impossible, and creates an inevitable uterine rupture without timely delivery. From what I can tell, it's even more rare than HELLP syndrome! It's really hard to find solid information about it on the internet. I am still in shock that I developed another potentially life-threatening disorder for both me and Elliott. I haven't even begun to process the emotions of the situation. I am just grateful that I was in good care. And, no, I didn't develop HELLP again, nor did I ever develop preeclampsia, although some of the early indicators were present for the last month or so.

Nursing is going well. Elliott's as healthy as can be and is almost up to his birth weight. I'm starting to heal, though I'm still spending most of my time on the couch. Our emotional healing will take a while, but overall I feel really, really good and happy this time. I am looking forward to enjoying the postpartum period and being a fully present mom to my boys. What a gift! I am finally understanding what it feels like to give birth without sliding into the darkness of depression. I am sooo happy!!                  

Thanks for your support!
Amy